"There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust the monitor. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your computer. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits. "
This is by way of announcement that the writer of Good Enough Farm is experiencing some difficulties. Of a technical nature. Of the inner mind. I've been feeling very stressed since my fall about a month ago, and thought it was just related to the difficulties it presented in daily functioning. But the rib is virtually pain free, the ankle has a lovely lump still but is fully operative. The mind, however, is another thing. Tears lurk behind my eyes taunting me. I just want to sit down and say "I can't do it anymore!" really loud and obnoxious like a child having a tantrum. I am quite deliberately stripping away the layers of "extra" in my life, hoping to find the tipping point and balance it there. I haven't found it yet. I've been here before, feeling overwhelmed by just the thought of what each day involves even if it is just laundry and dishes and sad dinners of fish sticks and french fries. I did try; I made broccoli in an attempt to look like I cared.
So, if the posts fall to the wayside for a bit, know that it's not you. It's me. The awe and mystery of the Inner Mind are totally overrated.
It's supposed to be another dreary day here in SW VA which never helps a "blue" day. But tomorrow the sun will be out and the weather will warm again. I hope you get lots of sunshine and it cheers your soul.
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you feel. It's okay, because you are the type to reach the bottom of the well and pick the bucket up and start climbing to the top. You can do it, even through the tears. It's okay. Wish I was there to give you a laugh or a hug, like you do me through your blogs. Remember the night I sat up reading them? I felt beat down, like I couldn't take another step. You made me laugh until I felt I could face tomorrow.
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ReplyDeleteThank you both for your encouragement. And thank you, Jordana, for reminding me who I am. I WILL reach the bottom and pick up the bucket and climb back up. You've given me a virtual hug and that means alot. I'm tightening the laces on my climbing boots and getting up. (I removed the post first because I spelled stuff wrong and I couldn't stand it. It really wasn't a crazy rant that I then had to delete. I swear.)
ReplyDeleteLol! Don't you just hate the keyboard not putting on what you surly typed?! You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteI can sooo understand! I have been feeling like that everyday too. I'm just soo overwhelmed and I'm about to burst! For now I'll put on my happy face and continue until I reach my breaking point. I know behind my mask there are always tears and fear and I just want to give up but it's okay because I'm not alone and I have people like you who will help me through despite my protests. I'm here if you need me!
ReplyDelete-Patient "B" of the Three Laugh Mates
Love you, too, B!
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